more stuff I'm only writing down for me.
eh XD Hey! I just figured out
hard core that I'm bad at english speeking and writing. I do understand it very well even if I lack some words, but it's getting worse when I start speeking it and I can not really express myself with it much, less to write it.
Oh, and I am really a shame to my family = / My dad is a American and is in the army. My mom is German but still workes on the base in Ramstein, where the americans are, so she only speeks englis thereh, not to tell my brother. He is a hard core rapper and he speeks it so fucking well! even he was raised the same way I was. You can't even here a german accent when he's talking. I'm such a shame to my family. I've got this freakin' big fucking german accent when I talk. So grose! and I lack so much word's it's unbeliveble! Not to mention that I cant realy write it and mostly start a sentense with "I".
Well! The best I start explaining how all of this came together.
My father and my mother got divorsed as I was around 8 years old. My dad had a new chick and... you know the story from than.
We got to visit him every seconed weekend. My brother was very dificult to handel and often got aggessive (oh, I forgott to tell you guys, he's two years older than I). My steph mom hatet us, and I guess she still does. So time wen't on and my dad begann to stop picking us up at the agreed time and we stopt seeing him that oft. I never realy got a true answer from anyone so I just rimed me something together wich made sence to me. The hole thing is my steph mothers fault. She hatet us, from the very beginning. She never wanted us, and she let us feel that, any time my dad wasn't 'round. She wanted to have her own family wich didn't incloude his 2 other kids. There wasn't enough space for us. So things 've gone on and than my fater moved to Irak. He got stationed there by armee. All of the others went with him.
My steph mother has two very nice kids. I never saw theme any more. 3 years later I saw him again because he was back in germany for a little time. After that he gone back to Kuweit again. Sometimes he got back to germany to visit. He's here in germany right now to.
You must think that my brother suffert the most under the years he hadn't had a father, but it isn't so. I was the one who's suffert the most by not having a father trough all these years I needed one. You see, I don't like women much, I'm not saying that all of theme are beasts, but the most. I grow up with cars and alway liked dinosaurs and power rangers and most of the stuff guys liked. Never was the prinzess girl. I played in mud, loved to catch frog and raise little frogs, go out on rainy days, skate, catch bugs and sometimes eat theme. I loved basketball and baseball so much. I am not a virago! Just to letting you know. I only loved all of these things, and I still do. The only thing I needed in live was a father, that I never got. Not even today.
So well in all the time we lost our contact, I never realy spoken english again so I lost my skillz, during my brother starded all this rap shit and got friends on the base. I never had american friends. His english went better and better. Mine went worse. And today I'm sitting here and I'm so fucking willing to learn it so perfecktly! I bought myself 3 books writen in english and I'm fucking watching movies in English! Hell yeah! I also have to ask my mom to only speek english with me, so all of my shame falls of very fast.
Oh, and that's why I'm also gonna write down bullshit english texts nearly every day! So I can get better and better =D
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